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Jul. 26th, 2010


where you are is where I belong.

Pffff. I fuckin abandoned this thing. Kinda miss it. Kinda don't. Pretty sure it's because I only use it to wank anymore. I think that's all I ever used it for. It's been three years I've had this. I think that's the longest I've kept an lj.
I like my life right now. It's tough, getting tougher, but it's going to get better, I just know it. And even if I'm wrong, I'm still happy, still gonna be.
Right now I feel like I'm just coming out of winter. The ground is thawing, the days are longer, I actually feel like getting up in the morning.

May. 15th, 2010


(no subject)

No end in sight.

Things need to change soon, or I will probably lose my goddamn mind.

May. 4th, 2010

bella sketch.

(no subject)

I always underestimate how fantastic I feel when I accomplish shit. Which is why I put if off forever.

Paying my phone bill, which is over-overdue.
Seeding the turnips, celeriac, onions, chives, broccoli and cauliflower that I should've done two weeks ago.
Doing the girls' laundry so they can have nice clean bedding.
Cleaning my room. Man, that one felt so good.
Taking that shower I was supposed to take on Sunday.
Sitting down for two hours to bang out all this Etsy shit [pricing, categories, new products, etc. I don't even want to know what it's like to open a tangible shop, an online one is already too damn much work]. I'm not done yet but I'm that much closer.

Tomorrow is my day off. My to-do list is about a half-mile long already. Top priority: GET PAY'D.

Apr. 17th, 2010


(no subject)

I've lived in this yellow house almost exclusively since November, right? Right. So why is it that 90% of my stuff is still either a.] in boxes here, b.] in boxes in my mom's attic, or c.] still living in places where I no longer reside, other than my mommy's house?
Is it because I just haven't had the time? No, that's impossible, since I was unemployed and literally spent almost all of November, December and January inside of the house. Weeks went by and my skin saw no sunlight.
Is it because all of the stuff in these boxes all over everywhere just isn't stuff I really need? Some is and some isn't, but there's furniture at my mom's that I haven't brought over here because there are too damn many boxes to fit the furniture in. And I recently tore open my schoolbag, which contained all but two pairs of my jeans, because I tore a hole in a pair of pants and needed something to wear. I have a lot of stuff, yes, but almost none of it is unnecessary junk.
The answer is that there is no rational excuse. I just don't want to unpack all of that crap. That's, like, a Labor Day weekend's worth of work. And the longer we put it off, the more of a challenge it's going to be, because we're slowly building our lives around all these boxes and plastic totes. All of Scott's headphones and PS3/Wii controllers are sitting on top of a plastic tote that is full of no one knows what near the TV. The only reason all of the videogames/DVDs are put away is because Scott couldn't sleep one night and those boxes were on top of the stack.
There's laundry sitting on the loveseat that has been there since before Christmas. You wouldn't know it's there because there are three EMPTY boxes, two winter coats and Felice and Plush Kitty, two of my stuffed animals, sitting atop the laundry. The last time someone sat on that loveseat was when Scott's family was helping us move in.
Bella's pen is nestled amid a forest of boxes and a dresser that we cant really figure out what to do with.

I don't even know where to start.

Apr. 8th, 2010


(no subject)

Dear mom and dad, please send money. I'm so broke that it ain't funny. I don't need much, just enough to get me through. Please don't worry 'cuz I'm alright..

a.] I like country music. I always have.
b.] The sum of my paychecks every month gets turned into one big check that gets sent to my landlady in Ithaca, who is super-nice. Child Support pays for the guinea pigs', bunnies' and my food. I am trying to save up money to get Ferdinand and Laika spayed so that the pigs can live simply and I don't have to worry about their ovaries turning into sea urchins.
c.] I still haven't done my goddamned taxes.
d.] I do want to be a farmer. There is nothing in this whole world that I want more, and there is nothing that will stop me from doing it.
e.] I'm really glad that winter is over for the most part. I was fine while I was in the North Country, there's just something about this city that makes it so unbearable.
f.] I hate my job, part two. This time it isn't the people though. It's just my boss and her daughter. I freakin' love the people. They're clueless, but I love them anyways.
g.] I went through my lj a little while ago, and about 85% of the entries are me saying something about how sick I am, or me saying "fuck" a number of times/ways. What the hell.

Despite all of this crap, plus a bit more that I didn't mention, I managed to have a fairly decent day/week so far. Tomorrow is my day off. I am going to do some sewing, take the guinea pigs outside, and do some much-needed spring cleaning.

Jan. 30th, 2010


saying goodbye

Newman is gone. He died in my arms at midnight.

Jan. 27th, 2010

fuck you.

(no subject)

A brief update:

Most of the important things are different.

Dec. 2nd, 2009


I'm on etsy, y'all.


plus pig photos.Collapse )

Oct. 31st, 2009


(no subject)

Year after year, this season isn't getting any easier.

Oct. 7th, 2009


(no subject)

I have a UTI, mild bronchitis, the flu and/or "something viral".
So far, nothing's stayed down since yesterday morning. Excluding the last meal I ate [at 7ish] of carrot soup, one saltine and four tiny bites of a lean pocket.
Good grief.

ETA: the vomiting is likely a side-effect of the antibiotics I'm on for the UTI, since it's only happened since I've been on the medication. [In other words, probably not swine.]

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